I am delighted to be here this evening and to have this opportunity to spend these few minutes with you in conversation about important issues that continue to face our young women and young men in this age of both high visibility and high accountability. I am grateful for the chance to carry on this work as a public school counselor – a career that I dearly love.
For those of you who don’t know much about me, I have had the good fortune of amazing opportunity.I have been blessed to teach since 1977– and for those who love teaching, you know what I mean when I say, blessed. It hasn’t always been joyful or easy; often very rewarding experiences are not easy ones.
From the start, I quickly understood that developing a strong connection with my students was the key to growing their potential.As a young teacher, and now counselor, I have always reveled in the idea of knowing the children beyond the classroom – loved seeing them in the community, in the grocery stores, at church and community functions because it was in those situations where I seemed to get to know them and for them to get to know me – in ways beyond the classroom – in ways that are human. To me, it was always the personal connection between us that made the difference in students’ efforts in the classroom and in how they treated one another. I also believed strongly in the inherent goodness of each individual child every time. Even the most sullen and difficult children were special and I believed it was my job to find that specialness within them and help them to develop it.
We often never know our impact on the children we serve until many years later, if ever. The evidence of our intervention in their lives though, has far reaching implications in their relationships with others, and probably most important, their relationships with themselves.
To plant the seeds of leadership and possibility in children is the greatest gift we can give each of them. To set the example for how people treat each other with dignity and respect is, I think, the single most important lesson we can impart. In the world of the school environment – the classrooms, the cafeteria, and in hallways, both in formal and informal school settings, our children learn how to negotiate the demands placed upon their lives. Their success in places beyond the schoolhouse are a direct reflection of their experiences with those who care about them the most, their families, and their teachers. It begs the question, how do we, as professional educators, develop in children the empathy and caring attitudes that they will need to succeed in this 21st century world? They are a captive audience, after all and we are obligated to make the most of their time with us.
Moses Lake, WA; Bethel, Alaska; Pearl, MISS; Paducah, KY; Stamps, AK; Jonesboro, AK; Edinboro, PA; Fayetteville, TN; Littleton, CO; Conyers, GA; Deming, NM; Fort Giveson, OK; and the list goes on… as tragic as each of these school violence events was, they bring to light the hurt, sorrow, and pain that children feel when festering, unchecked, and unacceptable behavior occurs between human beings. These horrific acts remind us about how important it is to validate the isolated and desolated feelings of each and every child so they do not become disenfranchised. We know all too well of the long-term effects of bullying and victimization on children of all ages; girls, boys, and those who have survived the taunting, only to live unhealthy adult lives as a result.
We have heard daily accounts of human violence occurring in schools and in the streets, perpetrated by young people of all ages and then often dramatized in books, movies, and electronic media. And now, the newest frontier, social networks, desensitizes this effort more fully, making deeper the chasm between human beings, and further hardening the hearts of those who perpetrate these hurts because they can’t see the results of the inflicted pain upon another.
As a young girl, I was the victim of endless taunting myself. As a result, I fully understand the effects of bullying and victimization on the tender psyche of a growing girl – the damage it can cause, the pain it can inflict, and the recurring thoughts and feelings that remain long after the taunting stops. It is important for all of us to understand that what a person believes about herself is often a reflection of what she hears over and over again.
Changing those self-beliefs takes enormous energy and work. Esteem is not given, it is built – from within – the task before educators is to help ALL young people to build esteem from within, by identifying that which is special and developing it to its fullest potential.It is our task to create the conditions under which all children can flourish, free of condescension, fear, acrimony, and all denigration. A strong sense of self is the only defense against the darkness that can be created by victimization.
All the more reason to come to center – to personalize – to practice and demonstrate appropriate social interaction and listening skills; to understand how to negotiate, to respect others, and accept others’ opinions; to develop empathy in children, to make REAL, the results of bullying, and to encourage a call to action by children and adults in schools so that they can make the difference. All of us – children and adults have the power to change the tide.
More than a decade ago, I made the anti-bullying education effort in my schools a personal mission of mine – in an effort to stem the tide of violence among young people. We collected data on the number of reports of bullying and victimization events in our elementary and middle schools. We wrote curriculum to teach children about mediation and conflict resolution. We installed student run mediation teams at the elementary schools. We instituted an anti-bullying curriculum based on the Bully-proofing your School model, and at the middle school, wrote, cast, and filmed our own instructional video, entitled “The Power in the Middle” still being used today in our instruction. This year, we added the component of online safety to our instructional tool kit. So all students in all grades have access to online safety instruction and anti-bullying instruction in digital media. Our schools have led the way in both policy and practice. The effort continues. We know we cannot stop. This social monster will never go away. We are foolish to think that this problem can be completely eradicated. But we must certainly do our part to stem this tide, curb student on student violence, and to develop empathy and compassion among our children – girls and boys. We now know that we can. This is my mission ~ our mission. There is no other alternative.
And so, celebrating here tonight is so validating for the efforts of all those educators, parents, students, and community members who take up this charge on behalf of young women and young men everywhere. For it is only when all children can feel safe to learn and grow that true equity can meet opportunity for the good of all.
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